Life these past eight or nine months has been crammed with a lot of highs and a few lows, all of which have left me with no time or energy to blog. Recent events, however, have me confident that I can now commit to updating this on a weekly basis.
Ambitious? Probably.
So, without further ado, let me get you up-to-speed on all things Patty and Tony since last November ’08.
We started the month of November off with a bang – literally. We were pregnant (!!!) - and surprised as heck that it happened so fast (We didn’t officially start trying to conceive until October on our first anniversary). Thanksgiving with Tony’s family was such a treat sharing our happy news. Sure. It was early. I was only 7 weeks along, but when you go to a big Italian family gathering, you better have a rock solid excuse as to why you’re not drinking. So, we caved and told the truth. Needless to say, everyone was thrilled.
Christmas Eve was also very special, because it was our first scheduled OB appointment. We were rather disappointed that we were not given an ultrasound, but happy and excited nonetheless with the thoughts of a joyous ending to 2008 and a hopeful beginning to 2009.
Everything changed the morning of January 9th - I was 13 weeks exactly. I noticed I was spotting and called my OB’s office as soon as I walked into work. They took me in first thing that morning. The ultrasound (my very first one ever) was so quick, I can hardly remember it except for the basics… “fetus is measuring only 9 weeks”… “no heartbeat”… “I’m sorry”.
Heartbroken can not begin to describe what I felt on that table, legs spread wide, hearing those words come out of a stranger’s mouth, and feeling completely and utterly alone.
The next 30 minutes were spent listening to the doctor (not my OB) give me my “options” – allow the pregnancy to end naturally or elect instead to have a D&C. Did I mention I was alone? I had no idea which option was best for me. I just knew I wanted it all to be over, and that maybe a natural miscarriage might be too painful physically and emotionally for me to handle. So, the D&C was scheduled for the following Monday.
That weekend was hell. I continued to spot sporadically – thankfully, without any cramps or discomfort -besides the fact that I knew I had a dead fetus in my belly, and come Monday, it would be surgically sucked and scraped out of me – the way I felt my life had been at discovering I miscarried.
The D&C was uneventful. It’s an out-patient procedure. So, by that afternoon, I was home, on my couch, cuddling with the pugs, and feeling completely empty, literally and figuratively.
Anthony, family, friends, and coworkers were all super-supportive. I would not have gotten through the next few months without any of them. But still, I mourned the loss of our “blueberry”, a term of endearment I took to in the two or three months of the pregnancy. I missed being pregnant and envisioning what life would be like with “blueberry”. I missed the excitement of telling people I was pregnant, and I missed knowing that come July ’09, my baby would be born.
In March, my period was due to arrive on the 15th. Well, the 15th came and went, and all I had to show for it was one day of flow. That’s it - just one measly day. I knew something was amiss, because my periods typically last between four days to a week at most. So, on a Sunday afternoon, I tested. Tony was out golfing with his dad and wasn’t due back until the afternoon, but I just couldn’t wait to know for sure. Was I? Wasn’t I?
So, there I sat – in my first floor bathroom – door wide open and pugs running about. The day outside was gorgeous – one of the first beautiful days that hinted of Spring. And, in less than one minute, the display screen on my Clearblue Easy test stick went from blank to “Pregnant”. Pregnant!!!! Immediately, I tested again using another test stick, and that time, I waited a solid 10 minutes – just to be sure – and there it was again – “Pregnant”.
To say the least, I was overjoyed. I allowed the happiness to descend on me, but only for a little bit. I knew I had to be careful to not get too excited, especially that early. I was a mere five weeks. So, I took a picture of the test strip with my camera phone and sent it to Tony. He was cute. “Are you sure?”… “Are you positive?”… “How many times did you test?” Like me, he was terrified of getting too excited, but when I confirmed to him that we were in fact 100% pregnant, I could hear and feel his happiness through the phone.
A week later – at 6 weeks - I spotted, and our hopes dashed out the window. Not again, we thought. So, I went in for an ultrasound, saw the fetus, saw the yoke sac, but saw no heartbeat. The technician - God bless her - told us not to give up hope – that it was too early in the pregnancy to see or hear a heartbeat – and then scheduled me for another ultrasound the following week.
At 7 weeks exactly, with our hearts in our throats, we watched the ultrasound monitor and saw the best flicker in the entire world – the heartbeat of our baby, the “bean”. That tiny movement was just the validation we were looking for. It was Christmas, Thanksgiving, and our birthdays wrapped up into one, and I never thought I could feel as much love for anything or anyone as I did on that day for our little “bean”.
The next four weeks were filled with cautious optimism, and yet each trip to the bathroom was accompanied by an Our Father or a Hail Mary. I prayed for the tiny life inside of me, and in His mysterious way, God answered my prayers with full-blown morning sickness that lasted all day – morning, noon, and night. My only reprieve from the nausea was to eat, but without an appetite, eating was the LAST thing I wanted to do. Nevertheless, I ate small meals every two to three hours throughout the day just as my doctor instructed me to, and all the while, I welcomed the persistent nausea and feelings of seasickness, because I knew it was a sign that we had a tiny “bean” baking away in my belly.
At 12 weeks and 1 day, I had my 1st Trimester Screening, which tests for chromosomal abnormalities by measuring the pocket of fluid at the back of the baby’s neck (this test is also known as the Nuchal Translucency Test). The second part of the test is a finger-prick blood test, and that for me was the worst part of the screening. The tech could not get any blood from the first finger she tried. So, she had to prick another one. It seriously looked like she was milking my finger! The ultrasound, however, was a whole other story. The first sound we heard was the baby’s heartbeat - just amazing how fast and strong it was. And then, we saw the “bean” - so indescribable. We could clearly see a baby - profile, body, hands, legs, awwww... little alien. At first, it was sleeping. So, the doctor had me cough a few times. Still nothing. So, after a few prods from the doctor, it began to move around - its arms and legs, and even lifted its head, which the doctor loved. He was happy with how the baby was measuring and that the Nuchal Translucency was only at 1.2, as anything over 3 at that point is less than ideal. So, we left that appt feeling elated that we got to see and hear the “bean”, which was now more baby than it was “bean”, and that it was right on target and everything from the doctor’s perspective looked fine.
Less than a week later, I received three separate phone calls from various receptionists at my OB group to say my finger-prick results came back normal. Yay for normal! Such a huge relief! I expected to get an actual ratio like 1 in 20,000 or something. But, "normal" is good. I'll take it. I was also told that my Level 2 Ultrasound was already scheduled. A Level 2 is offered to every woman over 35 regardless of the test results from her 1st Trimester Screening. At the Level 2, both the doctor and the technician measure the baby’s head, the brain, the major organs and just about every one of the baby’s bones, including its pinky bones and the bone in its nose. Wild, right?
So, the next five weeks were filled with a huge sense of relief that we were at “All systems go!” and with eager anticipation that soon we’d get to see our baby again, and God willing, we’d get to see if we were on Team Pink or Team Blue.
This was the point where I thought it safe to begin documenting the progress of my pregnancy. I knew I wanted something to look back on as well as a vehicle in which to immortalize my thoughts of how I was feeling, what I was craving, why I was so emotional, and what were the best moments and milestones.
This was my first entry – at 18 weeks and 3 days:
Friday, June 19, 2009How far along? 18 weeks and 3 days
Total weight gain/loss: Down 9 lbs… and not even trying.
Maternity clothes? Not today
Stretch marks? None that are new
Sleep: Yes, I sleep pretty soundly, but I get up 4 to 5 times a night to pee.
Best moment this week: Feeling and seeing my belly more pronounced.
Movement: I haven’t felt any movement as of yet, but my doctor said any day now, and that I might mistake it for gas. Lovely.
Food cravings: Dairy – cheese, ice cream, milk, lots and lots of milk.
Gender: God willing, we’ll find out on Monday! Three more days!
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? Definitley in.
What I miss: I miss being able to sleep on my stomach.
What I am looking forward to: Finding out the gender at my Level 2 ultrasound on Monday.
Weekly Wisdom: Breakfast burritos are truly the devil.
Milestones: Nothing notable.
At 18 weeks and 6 days, we went to the hospital for the Level 2. We surprised my mom by asking her to come along. This was her first grandchild. No one else besides Tony and me had more of a right to be at that Ultrasound than my mom did. I was instructed to arrive with a full bladder, but wouldn’t you know, it was too full?? So, during the two-hour ultrasound, I got up to pee three times. First, the tech did her measurements, and while she attempted to catch the precise moments to measure a foot, or a leg, or an arm, the baby just wriggled around, playing with its hands and its feet and kicking its legs and arms all over the place. It was surely a sight to behold. And, if all that didn’t make it hard enough for the tech to do her job, the baby was also head-down and face-down in my uterus. So, trying to coerce it to flip over long enough to take its measurements – or even get a basic profile shot - was a feat in itself! I flipped from side to side, I coughed, and the tech prodded HARD. Still, this baby made it difficult. And, it was no better when the doctor took her turn. In all honesty, watching my baby play like that was truly the highlight of this pregnancy. Active little bean… And then came the time to determine the sex. As playful and active is this baby was, it would not spread its legs. Good sign of things to come, right? And, just when we thought it just wasn’t going to happen, the tech found the exact angle, and there it was – the money shot - three little horizontal lines one on top of the other. GIRL!!! What a moment! My mom and I began to cry, and Anthony exclaimed, “Yeah! A Girl!”. The two hours on that table, the constant peeing, and the flipping from side to side were all worth it in the end. A baby girl. A daughter. My heart just over-flowed. It was the only time – since my wedding day – that I’d wished my Dad were there with us to share in our happiness.
Monday, June 29, 2009How far along? 19 weeks and 6 days
Total weight gain/loss: Down 11 lbs… If this keeps up, my next OB appt should be interesting.
Maternity clothes? Today, I’m wearing black (shocking!) matte jersey pull-on maternity wide-leg capris (yeah, they’re as cute as they sound), a hot-pink cotton babydoll top, and black strappy wedges (I’m rocking the heels while I still can).
Stretch marks? None that are new
Sleep: Last night was a sleepless night, and I’m paying for it now by practically falling asleep at my desk.
Best moment this week: My Level 2 Ultrasound, where we discovered we’re having A GIRL!! Yay for Team Pink!!
Movement: Yesterday, after breakfast, I could have sworn I felt something.
Food cravings: Tapioca pudding. Let’s just leave it at that.
Gender: Girl!!!
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? Definitley in, but has been itchy as of late.
What I miss: Painting my toenails. What an ordeal that was yesterday!
What I am looking forward to: My 20 week appt this coming Thursday.
Weekly Wisdom: Travelsystems are useless, especially if you’re having a Fall/Winter baby. I would highly recommend going with a Snap & Go, instead. Thanks, Leah!
Milestones: Seeing my baby girl up on the ultrasound screen was indescribable. It made me want to hurry this pregnancy along so that I can finally see her face-to-face, hold her, and slobber all over her clearly noticable chubby cheeks. This kid is sooooo my daughter!
Nothing notable.
